Actually, today, it’s women’s underwear, but I am blaming the likes of Calvin Klein.   And I might be coined a hypocrite for the fabulously amazing patent leather trench I have in my closet that sports his logo at the back of the neck but THAT IS NOT UNDERWEAR!!!!

The world of women’ underwear is a travesty!  In modern society where we have information at our fingertips, and tv in the palm of our hands and cars that drive themselves and people practically living in space why is it that we cannot figure out how to fit a woman’s body for something that is worn (hopefully) everyday by every woman?   So what there are multiple shapes of us out there.  Oooh, toughy . . .  So big deal we aren’t a one size fits all.  WE GET IT.  DO YOU??!!  Make underwear for me, and for her and for the the girl over there.  I promise you, there is enough of us, we will buy it.

And I have figured out why it is the way it is . . . .   At first, as I was glaring at the options in front of me this afternoon with steam building between my ears. The initial judgement of blaming this on MEN who design clothing for women kept flashing red over and over in my brain.  And I kept asking myself:  who hires men to make undergarments for women?  HANES??!!!!  And what kind of woman do you put these on for trial before you ship them off to market?  Hmmm?   just because it fits nice on miss size 5 doesnt mean size 7 or 8 is going to fit it the same . .  and that tiny elastic band  . . .   its been long enough GET RID OF IT ALREADY!

But its deeper than just MEN.  Its worse than that.. . .   The leading underwear designer out there, Mr. Calvin Klein himself is not only a MAN, not only been ridiculed for decades for his marketing image leaning toward the anorexic and sickly thin . . .  but has publicly admitted that women’s bodies are fitting for . . . wait for it . . . men’s clothing.   HELL NO!

“I think there’s something incredibly sexy about a woman wearing her boyfriend’s T-shirt and underwear. ”
-Calvin Klein

*Eye Roll*  Sexy. Maybe.  Not practical.   And my curvey self aint fitting in a straight boys briefs.  Nothing wrong with my body.  But I am not meant to be cut in those places. And with that much elastic . . .

THAT’S  IT!   Its  CALVIN KLEIN and all those dudes out there that never grow up and think that women are sexy in prepubescent sizes and fantasize about them wearing their own (dudes) clothes cuz they think its hot.  THEY are the ones designing our underwear, ladies, and flooding our stores with junk that we just wear because its just underwear and its whats available.  GRRR.

Over the years, off and on, I have found a line I like here and there but they never stay on the market long enough.  I am going to turn into a hoarder the next time I do find a pair I like and buy them in droves and store them brand new untouched for decades just incase.  Its a frustrating epic issue that we are too silent about.  We talk about men’s underwear all the time.  Boxer or briefs.  Hmm.  Tough.  Maybe its not that simple.  But what I do know, for the farer sex it isn’t that simple.  So why am I the only one so mad?

The whole reason I was even buying underwear today is laughable.  I should be ashamed to even be posting about it.  Not the buying underwear part.  We all should be buying underwear at some point!  PLEASE PEOPLE BUY UNDERWEAR!!  But I should be so embarrassed that I was out buying underwear today because in two days time I would be out of underwear it has been that long since I have done laundry . . .   And I will not have time to do laundry between now and then . . .   And I have not had time to do laundry . . .   And I have been out of laundry detergent . . .  And I have only done laundry twice since my roommate moved in. . . Mid March . . .

That’s the real kicker, to be honest.  I have this creature that lives under the stairs.  I hate sharing my house . . .  He has taken over the laundry room.  Doing laundry is now a huge undertaking, with the TBI.  I have to have a full day,  and now one with no roommate.  I cannot work, or have therapy, or anything else to do that day.  HA!  it doesn’t ever seem to work out that way . . .   So . . . laundry doesnt get done.  And I dont know when I will be able to . . .  So, today, on errands.  I was to buy some underwear to buy me some time.  I am too damn stubborn to start washing my clothes out in my tub in my own house.  THAT’s WRONG.  just wrong . . .

So, I go to Target.  I am a simple girl.  simple needs.  I am also broke.  I cant do the fancy smancy stuff.  I head straight to the packaged goods.  And I get so irritated. There is a whole wall of underwear.  A whole WALL!!!!  And can I find anything i want?  no . . .  I am 32 years old.  I am not 7.  I do not want bright pink or yellow underwear.  I dont want stripes, or crazy squiggles or polka dots . . .   I dont want “fun” underwear.  I’m not fun.  I dont think that under my pin stripes during the day that a crazy pink and turquoise blue patterned bikini brief cotton panty is going to make me feel “fun” like I have some secret from the world.  Giggle.  Giggle.  I want black, white, grey, beige . . . yes beige.  Beige.  because it matches my wardrobe.  I am a sophisticated professional who happens to be a bit frugal and cant afford $5 or $10 or $15 a pair for “nice” underwear.  Why must I be subjected to childish, ill fitting options?   Not that, in my experience, when I could afford nicer things, they fit any better . . .  they just were made nicer, out of nicer stuff and in colors I could stand.

So . . what did I do, you ask?  I blew my budget and bought the $5 underwear (5 for $20) .  in beige.  God forgive me. for blowing my budget, not the beige . . .   But, on the upside, next week I will have clean and NEW underwear to wear.  Doubt my roommate would care.  Neither would Calvin Klein . . .   jerks . . .