Today during my horrendous vocational rehabilitation testing I did have the opportunity to take a test that didn’t make me cry.  I suppose there are things that I should be thankful for.  Early in the day I sat down with COPS  Self Interpretation Interest Inventory Guide.  An assessment on the professional areas of interests to better direct you in your career search.

The test may not have made me cry, but the results were entirely frustrating.  WHAT A WASTE OF MY TIME!!!  Ugh.  I know, I just sound like I have a bad attitude.  Right?  Well, maybe I do.  But this test did not tell me anything I did not already know.  I know where my interests lie.  It did not tell me anything of value.  I spent an hour answering questions.  And at the end of the day, the lady returns with a booklet with a spreed sheet in it that she had worked out all the questions that I had answered meaning that I had this number and this number and blah blah blah.  Bottom line:  Here were the areas of most interest.  She then says, look over the following pages to see the careers that fit into those areas and see if any grab your attention.

Well . . . .

first off, on average people usually score in the 75th percentile in 2 or 3 categories.   I scored in 6.  Thanks for norrowing it down booklet!

Second . . .  I scored highest in consumer economics, business, communications, and arts.  REALLY???!!!  BIG SURPRISE!!  I would never have guessed that.

Third . . . this is what I would be happy doing.  What I might WANT to do.  not what I can do.  Dont put this on me the first day.  I am here, because I dont know what I CAN DO.  I know what I want to do.  But that is GONE.  G-O-N-E-  GONE.     Now you people are to help me make that fit.  don’t put this publication for regular adults in my lap telling me that I might be good at marketing, or store management, or theatre, or insurance, or design.

The lady comes back in the room and asks if anything struck my interest.  And I said, well, of course.  I am interested.  I always have been.  I picked up my booklet, waved it in the air and dropped it back to the table.  “I did all these things. THIS is my past.”

I am not entirely sure how all my upset fits . . .   but I know I don’t like the test and it made me mad and I am indeed decidedly throwing a small hissy fit.  Well, the whole day there was ugly so I feel slightly entitled.  I still have some processing to do.  But I guess I just want to smack someone and yell that the brain injury didn’t change my INTERESTS!!! DUMIES.  That’s part of my big picture problems . . .  Part of the reason why I am (was) in therapy!  The whole  “my life was stolen from me and I can no longer do the things I love” thing and I guess i kinda feel like it was rubbed in my face today.

Rationally I know that was not the case.  They probably get people in there, who, 99% of the time, have no idea what they want to do.  A test like that would tell them if they should be factory workers or roofers or farm laborers or office staff somewhere.  I just . . .  more and more get the feeling, everywhere I go, there is no fit for me.  I do not belong.  There is not a niche out there to help me.  Perhaps I am being too critical too early.  Perhaps I am expecting too much.  Perhaps everyone feels this way . . .

I do have to admit though . . .  the lowest score on there?  the service industry.  Made me laugh.  I must really hate my job!!  But then again, the test did not tell me anything I did not already know. I DO HATE ME JOB!!!  And I had made the decision earlier that my next job, no matter what it is, cannot for any sense of the word be in customer service.  I hate people.   I will work with people.  Its still on the table whether i should work “for” other people . . .   but I cannot work to serve people.  not anymore.  this is my last job serving the public.  in any form.    And now that I made a highly public announcement, i guess I have to make that stick, huh?   SCORE!

At least I sored somewhere today that counts.  ppppppffffffffttttttttt!