Well, the wonders of home ownership never cease.  The adventures of Amanda and Luna never get old around here either.

Sitting on the couch in the living room, staring at the tree, watching some hulu . . . drinking some egg nog, there is a very familiar sound of Luna running down the stairs, followed by a highly unusual sight of something dark flying through the air coming out the doorway from the stair well.  And of corse the thing looks HUGE.  It circles once around the dinning room and swooshes right into the dinning room curtains.  That I JUST hung.

I am getting desensitized.  I didn’t jump.  I didn’t make a sound.  I watched these brief seconds unfold. . .   and thought to myself:  “great.  just great.  This is not how I wanted to spend my night off.”

Luna is at the base of the curtains, reaching as high up as she can on her two chubby fuzzy back legs.  She gets the curtain in her claws and starts to shake, trying to knock the creature down.  I think: pretty smart.  Still just watching.  Now, the bat does not dislodge like Luna hopes . . .  so she now tries to climb the curtains.

Yep, this game is over.

I am up, off the couch and into the other room before both back feet are off the floor. “Luna, No!”   She knows “no”.   like I said, smart.  She also knows that tone . . .    No yelling.  A very low, “don’t you even think about it” kind of tone.  She lets go, gives a mew . . .   and sits and stares at me and the then the curtains.

I look at the curtains.  See nothing.

Great.  Now where did it crawl off to?  Cuz I know it didn’t fly off.

I lean over to the wall and look through the curtains.  oh, yeah, there he is.  Positioned snugly between the sheers and the drapes.

Now how in the world am I going to peel back the drapes without sending this thing flying?

I take one look at Luna, who is waiting anxiously for more live action play, and realize first things first.  The cat has GOT to go.  I see rabies and falling over Christmas Trees in my instant future and will have none of that.

I head up the stairs and call the fuzzy one . . .  she follows.  This is easier than expected because the bat came from upstairs, and what I learned with the mice is if she “looses” it or it just doesn’t come out from hiding in two seconds, she gets bored really easily and back tracks to where she saw it before.  She follows me right upstairs, and in to my bedroom and she is sniffing all around like  a blood hound.

Great.  Came from the bedroom.  Probably the shoe closet.  Which I actually go into and grab a shoe box, dump the shoes, and proceed to shut the cat in the room.  I tell her I am sorry.  But that she is not invited.  I would come back for her soon.  She is such a good girl.

My bat-in-the-house instincts kick in and I go open the front door, and go prop open the porch door.  I know how this works.  Bats don’t want to be in your house.  He starts flying around again, he will leave.

Oh, please, Amanda . . .    such an idiot!!   ITS THE MIDDLE OF DECEMBER!!!   HE’S IN HIBERNATION!!  He wants to be in your house a lot more than he wants to be out THERE!!!

Doors get shut.

I unhook the drapes from around the tie back, let them fall and start pulling the drapes along the rod from the opposite side thinking to draw back the first set and expose the little guy.  Something’s not right.  Something is not working here . . .    the sheer (on a totally different rod) starts to come with the outer set of drapes.

OH! MAN!  I take the two steps to the other side of the window and peak.  Sure enough, the little bugger is latched on to both sets.  he’s got three of his four little bat claws into the sheers and the last hanging onto the drapes.

But amazingly, this little guy did not move.  I tug a little bit more on the drapes til he is more exposed and spread eagle on top of my curtains.  and still . .   he does not move.  He is SOUND asleep.  huh.

AW  . . .   you’re super pretty!  Such a handsome coat!  (who am I, really?)  but yes, these words came out of my mouth.  He was beautiful.  Chestnut colored fur, bright sheen to it.  He was good sized, four inches in body length.  And had a bright white belly.  I didn’t know bats could have white bellies.  Makes him cuter.  Like Bambi.

Well, this I have to document.  I grab my camera, not that he is out in the open and snap a couple of shots.

And then looking at this guys hanging position, there is no way I am going to nudge him into the box while he’s hanging between my curtains.  huh again.

The only thing I can think of to get this guy down is to . . . swallow . . .  remove him with my hands.

Well, I know better than to touch a bat with my bare hands.  i need gloves, preferrably leather.  Their teeth are small and won’t bite through leather.  I get the gloves.  When I get back.  The thing is gone.

WHAT?!!   HELL NO!!!

Hello?

Where did you go?

Please don’t be somewhere I can’t find you . . .

I lift the curtains . . .  looking at the rod, the floor . . .   I panic and look in the garland and the Christmas tree.  I think:  he didn’t go far.  The dude is sleepy.  I go back to the curtains, looking and looking.  Dude found good camo.

As I am calling to this little creature and lifting the curtains my roommate walks into the room.  “What are you doing?”  John asked, just as I found the little guy.  Peeling back the curtain I said, “John, meet our new house guest.”

“What?”  he steps closer . . . .    ” your kidding me.  Is that bat?”

“I know right?”

“What are you going to do?”

I don’t know John.  Get a second one so I can have a pair and start a trend decorating with bats?  I told him I had grabbed gloves, and had an empty shoe box.  I asked if he would do me a favor and help.  “Sure”, he says.

AWESOME!!   I hand him the box.  I get on my step stool, put on  the gloves, point at the little guy who still looks sounds asleep and said “Now don’t you dare come flying at my face!”

And I hesitate.  “Oooohhh!”

And John, God bless him . . .  and forgive me for all the bad thought and judgments and frustration . . .  John asks if I want him to do it.  “Are you sure?”   “Yeah,” he says.

I ask him if he thinks his hands will fit in my little girl gloves (not that I am a little girl, my gloves just happen to be slender and made for women) and he is not a big dude at all and says yeah.  So he puts on my pink leather gloves (don’t ask me why I have pink leather gloves, I don’t know.  I don’t even know if they are really mine) and hops on that stool.  Without hesitation he takes both hands, cupping gently takes the bat between his hands and tugs just enough to free his grasp from the curtain.  I had the shoe box held up and ready, lid positioned just so.   John places his hands inside the box and I closed the lid around his hands, and John slides them out of the box.

It was slick.  easy.  sweet.  expert.

The dude is a manager at PetCo.  LOVE IT!!  For once this is a good thing.  He has a magic touch with little critters.

Well, the bat doesn’t think so.  He is SCREAMING.  Man bats are loud.  John even comments on how loud he is.  We take the box outside; all through the house I am saying “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I am sooooo sorry!”

I set it on a bush, and flip the lid.

I have psyched myself up so much for this thing to come flying out I pre-emptively squeal like  a girl and jump back like three feet.  Yeah . . . that was embarrassing.  The thing doesn’t even get out of the box right away.  It just SCREAMS.  And we watch it.  And my heart sinks.  This little guy isn’t going anywhere.  He tries to fly a bit and lands in the bush wings spread, all the time still screaming.   I know that bats don’t take off from a seated position really well, that they tend to drop from a hanging position and take flight while falling.  But  . . .   he looked so sad . . .  and John I questioned if he was gonna try to go anywhere.

My heart sinks even more. . .  knowing I have essentially just killed this bat.  It is 16 degrees outside, and will drop to 3 tonight.  This little mammal will not make it.  Why did it leave its little nest for the winter?  It should be hibernating!!  Yes, it was probably hibernating in my attic . . . possibly with a few of its good friends.  Like I said: fun never stops here!

Perhaps he is sick.  John thought he could be, he was not moving well . . .  but the thing is in hibernation mode, too.  Acting drunk and slumberish seems appropriate for the season.  But again, flying around the house is not.  If is it sick, forbid has rabies, I won’t feel so bad having just sentenced it to freeze to death.  Well . . .  yes, I still feel terrible.  But it couldn’t just spend the winter in my dinning room curtains.  I just really hope I don’t find a bat carcass come spring.  I will bawl my eyes out.

Meantime, I released Luna.  She sits at the base of the curtains crying for a while.  Reaching up on her hind legs every once in a while and running away as fast as she can with a single look from me or snap of the fingers.  Only to return to the base of the curtain when she think I’m not looking.  She doesn’t quite get the fact that its gone.  Once again Mommy has taken away her toy.  I’m a mean mommy.

And apparently  a rodent hostel.  Mice, Squirrels, Bats . . .   any other rodent out there that needs a home?  Apparently my house is your house!

Yeah . . bats are going to be a problem. They give birth in the spring . . .   have to wait for the babies to be air born before I can bat proof.    But then I am planning on having my roof done, which will probably only drive them into the walls or worse . . .  into the house.    First things first:  time to seal that hole in the shoe closet!