Why are there no standards for behavior in an elevator?  People act very selfishly in an elevator.  I wonder if it is related to how we don’t want to look at someone else in an elevator, let alone talk to them, so we completely disregard their presence.  If they are not there, and you think you are alone in the elevator that might excuse your behavior, but you aren’t alone.  So show some manners!

Top Ten Rude Behaviors On An Elevator:

1 ) Walk in and stop.  Right in front of the doors.  And then turn around ready for the ride.  They do not go to the back of the elevator or even clear room for you to get inside, even though there are a half a dozen more folks waiting to get on.  So WE are forced to squeeze around them to the back.  Are they secretly hoping we will think “gee, maybe I will take the next one.  This guy apparently wants to ride alone.”  If that ‘s the case people, VOMIT when you enter.  You will have the entire place to yourself.  Don’t worry, we will, under those circumstances, wait another 10 minutes, or hour, for the next one.  Hell, I’ll just take the stairs.

2 ) Release the kids!  Riding an elevator should be like crossing the street, or trying to manage your way through a crowded place.  Hold your child’s hand, and keep them next to you.  AT ALL TIMES.   Little pig tailed monsters bumping into other passengers because they have not learned the term “personal space” and you fed them a coke just before getting on and the sugar makes them bounce off the walls are not very nice.

3 ) Shoulder Bag Bullies.  Oh, you know who you are.  You are the woman with a shoulder bag too big for carry on luggage.  Maybe you even have two.  You would think women who carried these things on a daily basis would have expanded their conscious personal parameters to include that bag.  But you haven’t.  You still think you take up only as much room as your body.  Because of life’s little necessities and your need to have this monstrosity tossed over your shoulder the rest of us now have bruises.  What is in there anyway?  You industrial strength hair dryer?  Here’s a tip for you: take the bag off your shoulder and hold it from the hands in front of you.  Better yet, leave the hair dryer at home.

4 )  Talking on the cellphone.  I am not going to bring up a discussion on whether it is rude to talk on your phone in a public place.  Whatever.  BUT IT’S AN ELEVATOR.  I do not care how big the elevator is, it is still a metal box.  METAL.  BOX.  Box as in confined small space.  Metal as in loud and reverberating.  It is not big enough for you to carry on a phone conversation.   Why?  you ask.  It has to do with the idea of shared space.  This elevator is not yours.  And even if it’s just you and me, you do not have the right to subject me or anyone else to your one-sided conversation.  No logical person, in a rational moment, has ever been offended by the words: “can I call you right back?”  And if you are not having a rational conversation on the cell phone, you definitely have no business bringing THAT on to an elevator.

5 ) Singing.  The only more annoying than being forced to overhear half of someone else’s conversation is the kid singing along to music you can’t hear.  Maybe they have their ipod with them, or maybe they are just grooving to music in their own head, either way, no one wants to hear it.  This is not your shower, this is not karaoke night.  This is an elevator.  You have your ear buds in, head phones on, fine, that’s great.  Enjoy your little world with your own personal soundtrack.  Don’t share it.

6 ) Standing in the doorway.  Oh, no we have not talked about this guy yet.  He’s different.  He is already ON the elevator when the doors open.  He is going up or down past the floor you are now attempting to leave.  And they don’t move.  What?  You think this elevator stopped on a technical error?  GETTING ON PLEASE!

7 ) Button Hogging.  The only thing more annoying than the jerk standing directly in the door way not moving for others, is the jerk standing right in front of the control panel blocking anyone else’s access to the buttons when there is a whole empty elevator to stand in.  Do you think your destination is the  only one?  Are you actively preventing people from selecting a different floor?  No.  You are just completely unaware and inconsiderate.  The idea that you might be hindering someone else by your position of choice has not even crossed your mind.  And more than likely, even when three people say “excuse me” and reach over you to push buttons, you still will have no clue.

8 )  Perfume (Cologne).  Truly there should be perfume alarms in one’s bedroom just like smoke detectors.  They would monitor the amount of perfume  or cologne sprayed or placed on the human before they leave the house alerting the user to possible offensive overload.  This is a concern for more than just an elevator ride.  It is rude period.  However, in an elevator, I have no where in the world to go to get away from you.  Would you feel badly if you caused an asthma attack or a migraine for someone else?  Somehow I don’t think so . . .

9 )  Getting on before others get off.  It is an elevator.  There is one door that functions both as an exit and an entrance.  There is an order to things.  Common sense.  The elevator has arrived at this floor, you think it is here only because of you.  The doors open and you charge in.  Worst is when there are a dozen of you rude self-centered idiots flooding the elevator while one single person already riding is trying to get off.    Let people off the elevator before proceeding on and no one will get trapped or trampled.

10 ) Not holding the elevator.  This gets me.  Oh, man, does this drive me mad.  You can pretend like you didn’t see me three steps shy of the doors, you can make like you tried but oh, the doors are closing . . . .  sorry . . .    Don’t know where the door open button is?  That’s okay.  Try blocking the doors with your arm.  I promise you it is not going to chop your arm off.  The elevator isn’t going to start to move with your arm out the door.  Not that that is what you are thinking.  NO!  You are just being rude.  You think you are in a hurry and it is too inconvenient for you to wait on someone else.  Already late?  Guess what!  You are already late.  It is not my fault, it is yours, and getting there one minute less late isn’t going to buy you props from the boss.  Give one moment of your time, hold the door.  Let one more person on. It won’t ruin your day.  If it did, your day was bound to be ruined by something else menial and stupid.  And that is, again, your fault.  “Think of all the times when others have to wait for you . . . ”

Overall I think an elevator ride is a condensed version of how our world functions.  People who behave rudely on an elevator don’t get into an elevator and suddenly turn into jerks.  They are most likely rude outside of the elevator.  Putting people close together like that, for even so short of a time gives them the opportunity to showcase a concentrated version of our unconscious behavior, good or bad.  Our best and our worst traits come shining through.  You are either considerate or you aren’t.  Next time you ride an elevator, think what kind of person you want to be.